Losing interest = Losing one's self

I have breathed the air surrounding the earth, trodden the land that covers the earth and seen the beauty and disasters on this earth for fifteen years and nine months. And I am already tired. Tired of living. Just tired.

It is official - I don't like school. For years I have tried so hard to force my heart and myself to like school and persuade them that eventually everything would be okay. But it has not been okay. Don't get me wrong, I value education but school is just not the place for me to learn. And after about nine years of schooling, I just realised that. In my previous school, I had issues. And I thought by moving to a "better" school, or perhaps we can say it as running away, all the issues would go away. I was afraid that it won't go away when I changed school. Yes, it didn't go away. I still feel the same. It seems that I can't avoid problems, I have no choice but to solve it. I don't know how. I don't know what to do anymore. I also feel that my studies isn't doing any better either.


I think all I need is a friend. I do have tons of friends, well maybe less than that, but I need a friend, friend. You know. Oh well you don't. Nevermind.


And I am also losing interest in almost everything else. I don't play the piano that much like I used to, blame it on school. I lost interest in popping my eyes out to "search" for a handsome guy, perhaps I gave up on that. I gave up on pleasing people and being friendly so that I become the centre of attention. Clearly, I am not born to do that.

I think the things that havn't changed much are my self esteem and my laziness. Yeah. I still talk when needed only. I guess.

Oh well, I have to keep living as long as my heart is beating. The funny thing is people make quotes about life and all that bullshit and I believed those stuff, but now I think they are mostly all pointless at this point in my life. Wow I thought teenage years should be FUN. It's not. In fact, teenage life is all about hard work so as to secure your adulthood because teenage life is somehow a bridge. Like if the bridge is built magnificently, u would go to the other side with pride and some sweat. Otherwise, you would just fall.

So, I guess I sort of know how my bridge is like. Sort of.